Saturday, May 10, 2008
I became the Runaway Bunny.
I suck at dating. LOL. I'm just bad at it. Period.
Over the past three years, I've become a complete commitment-phobe. Not that I've ever cheated before, but just afraid to get into anything again. I'm not really sure how it came to be. But I definitely know how to lose a guy in 2 days!
Even if I did have a blast with a guy on a date. I start thinking about all the shit that could go wrong. And the time you invest. And your emotions and feelings. And the hotness. The giddiness. And the distractions. The curiousness and how you get so horny when you like someone. And how you get attached.
It's the attachment part that freaks me out. I don't want to get attached. Attachment to me means opening yourself up for possible attack. Or disappointment. Attachment means to me, a sense of losing your independence. I'm an independent person so that makes sense right?
I look at these housewives that are financially dependent on their men and being cheated on, and can't get out because they have no life outside their home, job or education skills, "for the sake of the kids". What sort of existence is that? How big of a lie would your life be? And what if I fall into that trap, getting too comfortable and completely trusted my man and believed faithfully that being a homemaker is totally awesome?! Look, I have no doubt that being a homemaker is awesome, and I stand 100% behind the art of being a homemaker, for both genders. But I don't stand behind being a homemaker when you are not able to afford it. It's just too much collateral for me. It'd be different if a woman chose to stay at home because she had businesses that gave her a residual income and could leave at any time if shit went haywire. That's what I'm gonna do.
Ok so I am completely bitching. The fact that my parents ask me what am I doing about dating is not helping the commitment phobia. They remind me that I am going to be 29 next month. And this whole biological clock thing I think is an utter illusion.
A woman always has a choice to become a mother or not, at any age. That is such a blessing. I don't have kids yet, but I have no doubt I'm going to be an awesome mom when the time is right. If I'm ready when I'm 50, so what? That doesn't make me any less of a woman if my choice is then.
I just don't want to get hurt. One thing I learned in business that I think really applies in life is to only be committed to those that are committed to you. Dudes are distracting. They're so charming and you can't tell what they're really about. Shit half the time I have to borrow someone's gaydar just to double check. lmao
So the verdict is.....Yun is a commitment-phobe. The thought of marriage freaks me out like a motherfucker. I think it's the expectation that it's supposed to last forever that freaks me out. When I get married, I'm gonna make a five year commitment to start with, and then you can renew...LOL But I definitely want to get married every year. I'd rather get married every year to remind you of your awesome marriage over celebrating Christmas, definitely.
Ok. I feel better. Ladies fuck your biological clock!
So fuck it. I'm cool. I'm straight. No need to rush, just gonna chill...focus on my endeavors, go to the nude beach with my gay boys, hang with my homegirls, spend time with Buster, and kick it. It's gonna be a fun hot summer.
Posted by Yun Bai at 2:59 PM