Thursday, July 9, 2009
I sympathize! I know a lot of folks have been really wondering what the hell happened to Yun Bai! Where did she go? Her website hasn't changed much, her blog isn't updated, what happened to her?!
I am really appreciative of y'all who have been on my ass about moving about. A lot has happened. A LOT. No bitching, just observation.
* Grandma passed. That was the biggest thing that's affected me lately. The fucked up thing is, our last conversation was about us renting a small apartment for mom, dad, and myself during our visit to Beijing this coming Sept. or Oct.
She was amazing. She blessed and loved, for 95 years. Her little heart was so big. She was so cute, 4' 10". I'm only merely 5' 1.5" which I intentionally round up to 5' 2' myself. It's kinda funny. So grandma would get shorter each year. I swear, perhaps from osteoporosis?
I remember when I was a little hellion, (about four years old), I used to break all her cigarettes. The whole pack! I loved grandma that much. And I'd leave them hidden all nice and safe in the box, in her desk drawer for her to find later. Sometimes she would catch me. Hee...
Her passing woke my ass up. It did. I took our limited time together, for granted. I kept dwelling in my little world, in the little details, and I didn't go see her. I missed out on looking into her little eyes one last time- full of strength, wisdom, and tremendous spirit. I used to give her endless kisses on her soft wrinkled cheeks until she got annoyed, though with laughter. She was so fragile in so many ways. She would take naps, eat cookies, we would eat yogurt and drink milk together.
So yah. She experienced so much. She was always so strong, always expecting and looking forward to shit, I never heard her once say, "I'm too old" until the last couple of years.
I feel so stupid, that I didn't go see her. You don't know how much I regret, that I just didn't get my lazy ass up and GO. I can't say enough about her...RIP grandma. You are forever engraved in my soul.
* I turned 30!
I don't really feel any different. I feel like myself, but just more chill. Honestly, all this hype, all this expectation, I just don't give a fuck anymore, honestly. And this women's obsession with this "35 or bust" self deprecation is absurd to me. Yes, naturally, I'm being aware of my opinions towards marriage and children, but it's not ruling the world.
In fact, I've been really wondering why I should get married at all. It seems too complicated. Merging assets, sharing responsibilities and expenses, having so much dependent on it lasting forever, is only ideal, isn't it? *laughs* Yes, I know. The optimist became cynical. If it were anything else, I'd be out there with my little pigtails and poms poms and you know it. And how many hubbies and wives cheat, or stay together in something so unforgivingly miserable "for the kids"?! Look, I know a divorce could fuck a child up. I understand that. But part of it I believe, is witnessing the non-functionality of the marriage and therefore, the family itself. I don't know. I'm just spitting out my two Bunny cents.
The thing I personally fear the most, is having it fall apart. Or living a lie. Or being trapped; or worse, getting beat up! I know! Bunny is so not being optimistic about this or excited about this at all! In fact, if I ever did bite my bunny nails over anything, it'd be right about now! Thank goodness I don't have a man! Most of my friends are married with kids; well, a good portion at least. It's good. I'm happy for them. I'm just having a hard time grasping the concept. I don't know why I'm so scared of marriage, even though my parents are so in love and so happily married. They're best buddies, and met when they were 13 playing ping pong, and are now 62. That is sacred to me. But am I to believe, and expect, that to happen to me? Like the fairy tale programs you to believe?
* Sad over Michael Jackson. That's obvious. Between grandma and Michael, I was truly devastated. Especially last night,when I watched the memorial and stayed up until 6am watching his videos.
Ok. So, I have a little confession. Come closer. You ready? Ok first of all, you have to seriously forgive what I'm about to tell you. Ok. Here goes. I used to confuse Prince and Michael Jackson. I know! It's a pop cultural sin! But their hair looked the same at the time with the jheri curl thingy going on and you know that's what was up! And a bunch of other people either has the flat-top or the high right low left. Right? *Bunny memory of timeline not according to scale
So here's what happened. When I first came to America I was five and a half. And I thought country music was rock n' roll. I was a little confused, nerdy, uncool, totally homecooked, geeky Bunny. And I loved me some Prince! Only I thought he was Michael Jackson...so when I finally realized I wasn't listening to Michael Jackson, I had to go find out who Michael Jackson was. So that was when I discovered "Bad" (I don't know, my awareness missed 'Thriller' at the time I guess). Don't get me wrong, I have mad respect for both amazing artists, and it was an honest mistake since I was a little kid. I especially have a sentimental memory of my childhood when I think of country music, Prince, and Michael Jackson.
As with any kid, my Michael Jackson admiration grew. "Smooth Criminal" and "Man in the Mirror" are definitely two of my favorites. "'Ben', 'I'll Be There'" are also two of my faves. He had so much love.
Michael Jackson just amazes me- I would imagine that besides astonishing musical talent, the way the memorial was done yesterday just really gave us all a glimpse of the angel that he was to those who were lucky enough to be blessed by his music. I was so ready for his comeback too; and in fact, had spontaneous posted it on MySpace for some reason that I was excited about it. Even looking back on all his work, you still see how progressive he was as an artist. The dancing, the music, the lyrics, somehow when it all happened at once, you felt the joy he was trying to create. You did.
I do feel with this turning 30 thing that losing grandma and losing Michael Jackson, is truly like a shedding of my maiden self. I still see myself as fresh, however a little seasoned right now. I feel like a fresh, tender, perfectly steamed asparagus spear right now. Yes we can! lol
* Taking a vacation to Atlanta and Alabama. Bunny needs to head back to the South for some refreshing and energizing. My friend from NY is meeting me in Atlanta and we are driving up to Alabama for one of our other girl's birthday for that weekend. And one of our other girlfriends is gonna meet us for one day only, so it will be really sweet. I hope we get to roast something, like marshmellows or something. It's funny, because my friend K is African-American, and she has an afro. And I am Asian with blue hair. Our friend L is Caucasian and we are friends with her family, so I said to K, "Don't worry, we'll be straight, we'll be escorted by white people!" I guess we may get some funky stares, but I still miss my beloved South. This trip to Alabama is gonna be interesting; I've never been!
Yee! And I get to see my other homies and spend time with my folks, we're gonna do some merry cooking, hopefully. And I'm just gonna chill. Maybe work on my business plan a bit, but mainly just be, relax, I wanna get back into my meditation and fitness, and definitely some journaling. I definitely am looking to chow down on some good grub while I'm down there. To rejuvenate. Just gonna relax and stay low profile.
Hm....what else is new?
* New tattoo! It's super sexy! I got flowers, a trio of a plum blossom, to remind me that they only blossom in winter, and continue to be persistent, a lotus for me to keep centered and live life as who I was when I was a five year old (I used to eat lotus seeds at the Summer Palace), and an orchid to remind myself its okay to be special and unique amongst so many varieties of people. Aha you ask, where is it? Well let's just say it's somewhere hidden under most casual clothing, and can only be seen when a bathing suit is worn...Just because you have a tattoo doesn't mean it has to be seen by everybody. True?
* Vibrator for your face! Oh my god. I almost forgot. I totally have to tell y'all ladies about this face cleansing brush. You know those folks that make the Sonic toothbrushes? Well they make this amazing face brush! I swear by electric toothbrushes already, so I thought, why not this? I'm just a big fan of anything that vibrates! If you think about it, there hasn't really been anything bad that I know of associated with things that vibrate, do you? I mean, massagers, toothbrushes, facebrushes, vibrators, all good things! lol
Anyways, back to this brush. It massages, exfloliates, cleanses so thoroughly it removes 6x the makeup compared to regular cleansing without the brush, gets rid of dry patches, and helps skin absorb skincare better. Y'all just don't know I haven't been excited about something like this in a while! It just super makes me happy when I use it. And it's totally appropriate for men too! It retails for $225 at Sephora, but I got mine brand new on ebay for $150!
Dude this thing is so amazing, it's like giving your face a orgasm. No joke. It has 4 settings, and you can even use it on your body. And it moves at 300 movements / second or something. My bunny cheeks are smoother, there is definitely a healthy glow, it feels soft like a baby's butt, you gotta get it. You know your face is long overdue for an orgasm! I think Braun or Sonic ought to start an ad campaign about how using their products is like having an orgasm in your mouth or on your face....HA! I'm serious! It'd be pretty different, and funny. And I bet that shit would sell. Because you'd be curious to see how it feels...They should definitely reward me for my crazy Bunny marketing ideas. Lmao!
Posted by Yun Bai at 4:38 AM