Wednesday, November 5, 2008
First off, here are some pics my photographer friend took of me. Check him out at jpmadisonphotography.com.
I've been freaking out about turning 30 and my birthday isn't even until June! I hope this Paxil kicks in soon. Hehe.
So dad is visiting from the beloved ATL, while mom is in Beijing visiting grandma. I really need to go see her, but I didn't wanna go to Beijing in the dead of winter. Plus I wanted to spend some quality time with the main man in my life -- Daddy. Having him here has been a blessing. I've always been closer to my dad, I'm his little tom-girl. Since you can only have one child in China, I have always been into things that boys were into ever since I was a little kid. Dad used to tell me mythical stories he would make up, such as the three-headed dragon and the brave warrior he was in battle with, and of course I wanted to be the Monkey King, the famed mythological martial arts warrior (for those of you who are not familiar with the Monkey King / Sun Wukong, Google it.) I'm looking forward to the next two months with dad: he's gonna teach me all about BlackJack and take a little trip to Vegas; we're gonna do some cooking (he's gonna teach me how to cook some real Chinese stuff, and be my guinea pig for some Western food experiments, hehe). And go explore San Gabriel Valley (Dude, $15 / hr for full body and foot massage, can't beat that!) We just got back from getting massages today (and no, it wasn't weird or shady either). The place is at 301 W. Valley Blvd. #116 San Gabriel, CA 91776 and is downstairs in a shopping center and they are open from 10am to 11:30pm, 7 days a week. I'm just really excited. It's been a long time since I've spent some real quality time with dad, and I just really value it. Feeling lucky and grateful. Which brings us back to the subject of LOVE....
Now that I'm turning 30 in seven months, and was seriously flipping my shit about it (well, enough to get on antidepressants and medication for anxiety, not to mention being in therapy), I am experiencing a certain maturity. Yes, Bunny has officially cocooned her way through and transformed into a WOMAN! La la la la la!!!!! *Belting* I mean, I feel like I am going through puberty, or menopause, or something....(ok, so not menopause, not quite there yet. But you know what I mean, Willis). For once in my life, I'm questioning what love really is, and even though I've been in love three times before, I am asking myself if it was ever real? I almost feel as if I haven't experienced real mature love yet? Like, you know, grown folks love, if there is such a thing? You know y'all, the kind of love where you listen to Barry White? The kind of love Mr. and Mrs. Huxtable had? And, all of a sudden I actually like babies! WTF? "Buster, we're not in Georgia anymore?" This is new ground. Definitely. Welcome to turning 30, Bunny.
Okay so I'll keep you posted on how this whole turning 30 goes. At first I was freaking out, that life was gonna be over as I know it, like it was a countdown or something til Y2K. As one friend put it, "Yun, when I turned 30, the day after felt like any other day". That made me feel better. Plus, I heard somewhere that in heaven, you're eternally 30. Being the positive Bunny that I am, I've started coming up with ideas of how I want to celebrate the day I came into being. More so grateful, that I've made it this far. To say, "Yeah, I'm 30!" is an incredibly amazing thing. I think of all the friends that didn't make it this far. That really put things in perspective. Plus, it's made me really appreciate my body more. Everything works great, and I've been inspired to take care of myself more. I guess you could say, I'm going through a serious transformation in every aspect of my life---personally, healthwise, professionally, everything is being revamped, redesigned, reconstructed.
I've definitely been more true to myself in that I am a real artist. It's what I live and would die for. While I've had a great time in financial world and my mentors have been so amazing, I realized my life belongs to the arts. So yes, Bunny is fully back into art world. Art is my life; my soul food. Art keeps me alive, it's an obsession. And feeding in to the obsession, is what truly makes me feel alive. I realized, that because I've been doing my financial stuff for the past three years and haven't been fully engaged in either financial stuff or art stuff, that it's contributed to my anxiety. Doing art, making art, being in the arts, all of it, makes me feel alive. I feel like a plant who just got watered - renewed, refreshed, growing and on track again. Whew.
Which brings us to this game of life again - there is no way to lose. Because I practically live at Borders books, I read somewhere that you're on the right track if you're happy. Duh. I don't know why that hit me all of a sudden. A friend told me, "Yun, what is the one thing that you do better than anyone else, and you can get paid top dollar for it?" I thought to myself, "Gee, I make some pretty damn cool Porn Flowers. What the fuck am I doing in financial world?" (Hey, I look damn good in a suit though, and I've learned a lot, not to mention making some great alliances). But the time has come for Bunny to get it straight, of what her true calling is, and to obey it. I mean, you can't deny it. You can't deny something you know you were meant to do. It's like my friend said, "Let's say God gave you your dream car, Yun (Cadillac, baby!) and God saw you walking or taking the bus. God would be like, "Yun, WTF? I just gave you a Caddy. Why are you still taking the bus?" He explained that God gave me a gift. And in not honoring that calling, or not honoring that purpose, I'm wasting my talent because I'm riding the bus instead of driving my Caddy. In other words, I'm wasting my talent by not doing my art, which is my Caddy. (Thanks Donovan!)
Okay. So back to turning 30, and then we'll talk more about love. You know what they also say? They also say, that sex is supposed to be much better in your 30s for women! (Well, y'all know I don't do booty buddies, and I've been single for 3 years, so the only relations I've been having is with my beloved BOB, in which I've gone through.....well, I think we're on BOB #5? Hey, I can't help it, they get shorted out?!) My photographer friend makes fun of me--he says, "Bunny, you really need a man to just give you a good once-over. And you need a damn TV. That's why you're all freaking out about turning 30, cuz you sit in your house thinking too much all day, talking to yourself, not to mention looking at all that damn porn ain't helping either girl. Honey you need help! Let me know if you need some help in that department." Haha, silly photog.
Any ideas? Suggestions on how I ought to celebrate the big 30? Well I have 7 months to brainstorm, it'll be awesome! I feel like I'm losing my virginity or something! Whee! I betcha that's what turning 30 is gonna feel like....I'm gonna feel like The Virgin Queen! La la la la la la!!!! *Belting*
So back to the subject of LOVE. I got this book today, "Calling in 'The One'" by Katherine Woodward Thomas.
It's about finding yourself and getting yourself ready so you can find "The One". I realized even if I met "The One", it would get all fucked up because I wouldn't be ready to receive him. WHO I AM today, right now, is not ready for him. So this book has 49 exercises you do to really soul search, work through your past, your fears about intimacy and shit, so you can be open to the meeting "The One". Supposedly, in 7 weeks. You know, get mature and shit. So you can get some Barry White love...grown folks love, like the Huxtables. So I'll let you know what happens.... Oh! Plus, they say, your chances of getting divorced are lower in your 30's....La la la la la la!!
I'll keep you posted how this whole law of attraction mature love turning 30 thing works out....hehe.
Oh, I'll also be showing in a group show at New Gallery, my Houston gallery, opening Dec. 6th. But unfortunately I won't be at the opening because I'll be in Miami mingling around during Art Basel. I'll keep y'all posted.
Obama kicked some ass tonight! Whoo hoo!
You know, maybe I do need to just get a damn TV. Daddy thinks so too... LOL
Posted by Yun Bai at 4:48 AM