I have a lot of decisions to make. Usually I am so good at making decisions and sticking to them. I know what I need to do. But playing politics; being popular; is not my forte. Today was one of those days. Everyone keeps telling me, "Yun you'll get blacklisted from the art world if you do that, no one will work with you". God I just can't stand selling my art, and selling my soul with it. Letting go of a piece at a discount just to sell it, and then having people make you feel guilty just because you wouldn't discount it more. Why do I have to do that, really? That shit just fucks with my temper and I get pissed and just want to say, well you don't have to buy it.
You know? I've been going through a lot of changes lately. New people coming into my life, I feel a stretching of sorts. In all sorts of different directions. But at the end of it all, I am my only CORE. No friend, no family, no man, could add or take away from what I value myself to be. I'm just tired of people telling me what I'm worth. I'm really tired of this art game, the art politics. It disgusts me. It really does.
They make so many promises. They promise things they can't deliver. It's a lot of talk, and after you've spent so much time and effort making it happen, they give excuses as to why they couldn't make it happen. They blame the economy. They blame your prices being too high. They blame that your discounts aren't deep enough. And after you cater to all that they want, they still take 50%. I'm really hesitant to take on a new gallery relationship because I'm just exhausted. I really am. I am really burnt out. A part of me just wants to hide away from the art world, and just make art for me.
I bumped into someone I knew at the $2 show, and she said, "I never see you out. I never see you at any openings." Yeah, well, it's because I'm really shy and maybe I need to get away from the art world for a little bit. Maybe I seriously need to just make art and stay close to myself, and remain private in my little home here in the Valley, with Buster. I'm not angry at the art world. I'm just disillusioned by it; what it is, how it works. Don't get me wrong....everyone I've met so far especially in LA has been so good to me. Giving me great opportunities....but maybe I just need to step back for a bit, make new work, stay loyal to my gallery in Houston, and just stay low key. Man, I love my Houston gallery though. New Gallery has just been really smooth and easy to work with. He's pleasant and happy and soothing.
I just need to reassess. Maybe they will all know my name, but always wonder who I am in person. I want to become a ghost....an art bunny ghost. That makes serious headway, but no where to be found...