Thursday, June 12, 2008

I talked to...

My friend V today. V and I met four years ago when I was on a plane either coming back from Cali for Atlanta or something. We met once, but have had this cool friendship ever since. V is always so happy, the sweetest gay man you've ever met. Always so positive, even though he lost his lover to AIDS, and has AIDS himself. It was just inspiring to catch up, you could feel the love he exuded over the phone.

And I called grandma in Beijing today. We talked about me possibly visiting in the spring of '09. I am so busy with everything, and I am shy of big crowds, so I wasn't feeling going back during the Olympics or during the Chinese Character Biennial. Yah, I'm gonna miss the opening of the show, but I'm just not feeling going in August. It would freak me out. Chinese Character Biennial folks and the Olympics? Whew... But so grateful, that I got in. I am still pinching myself. Is this even real?

So talking to grandma was so inspiring. She said, "Yun, I love you so much, because you are genuine. You are true, not false". I hope I am. I try. I'm not perfect. I've made mistakes. And I've hurt people when I didn't mean to. I try to exude love. That's really been the message lately, more and more so. If I just approach people with love, then it's all good. I think they feel it, I hope they know.

Life is an amazing thing. I was walking to the car today, and non of it seemed real. It did, it seemed like just another day, but I was so taken aback by existence in itself. That I am Yun Bai, in this lifetime, right here, right now. It's who I am. And you, you are who you are. I guess, I truly have an appreciation for everything that's in our world. Everything. All of it amuses me, keeps me on my toes, keeps me going.

I met with a local curator the other day, she was nice to come over to see my porn flowers and we had dinner in Koreatown. She said, "Yun, you're gonna be something great. You're gonna go down in history". It meant a lot to me, since we don't really know each other that well. More like, good acquaintances, on the verge of friends. And I was touched that she believed in me, she saw it. I don't really care if I go down in history. I just want to make enough to support my parents!

I just want to contribute to it. To have a voice that gives people HOPE. I want that so bad. Is there such a thing that your heart could want to love and contribute and help so badly, that it feels big enough to engulf the world and everything in it? That's how much I LOVE. That much. Really.

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