Saturday, May 31, 2008

A pleasant birthday surprise...

MOM: You should skip this one. I love you but I'm 29 and I know we're Asian, but it's my blog and I have to express myself.  I love you!


My birthday is Monday, and I'm really excited to turn 29. So I've been getting happy MySpace messages and stuff from folks. But today, out of the blue, I got a call. From him.

"Hey, how you doing Miss Yun Bai, it's your favorite Spider-Man friend, _____. I was looking on the calendar and I realized we had a couple of birthdays coming up and I just wanted to call and tell you "Happy Birthday" even though it's a little early. I just wanted to call and make sure the number I still have is for you. I miss you and I love you and I hope everything is going good with you...remember one day we will spend the rest of our lives together so tell your little boyfriend or whoever the fuck you're fucking with that _____ is coming to town...I'm just joking, well I'm not, but anyway I love you and "Happy Birthday", I plan on talking to you on the 2nd. Goodbye."

God he's so fucking hot. After all these years, his voice still turns me on. His voice is protecting. For months I'd been wondering where he was, how he was doing, if he was still really crazy or if he'd gotten his shit together-- I felt relief and loved hearing his smooth, deep voice. There's only one man, with a voice like that.

I haven't heard from him in two years. It's almost been a decade since I've seen him. I wonder what he looks like now. I wonder how his hair is. We'd never officially "gone out", or were girlfriend / boyfriend, but there is this unexplained love. No matter how much I try to get away from him, leave him, and truly get away and disappear, he keeps coming back. And everytime he comes back, he says we will end up together. And he's been saying this for the last 6 years or so.

Crazy. You see, there was a reason we never went out. We were in different states. He was a little mack-daddy heartbreaker. And what can smart bunnies do? Smart bunnies can smell shit from a mile I had to leave him be. He'd make any girl cry...

Yet he still calls...out of the blue. To leave happy loving messages of how we're gonna be together one day. How he knows we're gonna be together. Unbelievable.

For a minute, I imagined us together. Like when we were kids. We were exotic. He was always so careful, and gentle with me. We were opposites, in every sense of the word. I always told him kissing him, was like kissing a soft cloud. I remember our showers together. Sitting in the park at Waverly Hills watching the ducks. How he always called me, "Ms. Bai". He was so happy to be with me when I visited, you could see how much he cherished me when we were together. I remember his smiling face. I think he has comfort in knowing that he's wanted. That he wants to think that I still want him.

I'm just glad he's alive, honestly. He's the kind of man you wonder if he's dead or alive these days, you know? Unattainable. Yet he has this gentleness, this loving protective peacefulness, that I remember about him. I have love for him. I want him to be happy and safe. I know when he calls he's just remembering our love; who we were to ourselves and to each other, back then. I miss it too.

But still, a broken heart can't be mended. Good thing the fucker lives 3,000 miles away. I still think he's crazy. *bunny sniff*

No comments: